apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
