I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
