and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
