So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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