i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
