fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
