Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
