we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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