dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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