loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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