Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
