I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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