Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
