Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
