and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
