fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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