No, you can still breathe under the balls.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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