Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
