Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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