OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
