you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
