You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
