ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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