Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
