and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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