Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
