oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
