Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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