If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
and you fell through a lawn chair
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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