Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
