Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
