So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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