no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
