I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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