Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
