I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
