If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
