trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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