Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
