fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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