I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
and you said cock pushups were impossible
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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