I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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