The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
