i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
