Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
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