so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
