when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
