On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
