the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
