He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
