I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
