I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
